By: Jennifer Scott
When you feel stuck in life, something is missing and you aren’t living life to its full potential, it’s often tempting to blame outside factors for these issues. There will always be factors we can’t control, but the way we handle these circumstances really holds us back. And more often than not, the power to turn our lives around lies in what we should stop doing, as opposed to what we are doing.
Having a Fixed Mindset
If you haven’t heard of the concept of a fixed vs. growth mindset, it comes down to how you view your own capabilities. Someone with a fixed mindset thinks they have a certain set of talents and that trying anything else is entirely pointless. While this may sound like an overgeneralization and something that you would never do, many of us approach life with a fixed mindset without even fully realizing it.
When you put a stop to that fixed mindset, you stop holding yourself back through thoughts and actions that are self-sabotaging. We can apply this idea to anything you’re hesitant to improve or even try in the first place, from exercise and other health goals to work to relationships.
Avoidance
One of the most powerful ways many of us hold ourselves back is avoidance. Whether it’s a task at work, scary “life” stuff, confronting a coworker or spouse, or issues in relationships, it feels easier to avoid them. The problem is that avoidance can have serious consequences.
Even when you know you need to do something, there are still times when anxiety can get in the way. Along with focusing on why the action is so important, Zen Habits recommends meditating on your fears and anxieties. Doing this helps you accept your fears so you can move forward in life with self-compassion.
Regret and Worry
Along the same lines, too many of us go through life with regrets. No matter what we do, we will have missed opportunities and choices. We would make unique choices if we had the chance. What holds us back is when we dig into regret and stay there. To let go of regrets, apply the same principles of a growth mindset, which means nixing negative self-talk and self-judgment. This is the first step to move forward.
We can also live with less regret in the first place by being proactive about our goals. After identifying regrets, consider setting long- and short-term goals, and then giving yourself daily actions for working toward them. Even with this plan, worry still holds many people back from working toward goals.
For many people, habits like worry and avoidance have been with us as long as we can remember. As a result, putting a stop to them may not happen overnight, but remember that a growth mindset means you can make a change, even if it takes time. Just be sure to give yourself plenty of grace through the process, and you will see how good it feels to move forward.
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